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You’re also going to need some knitting needles. It’s been rumored that you can buy ready-made knitting needles, but if you were that kind of half-assed sweater maker, you would have followed my original advice and taken the Walmart approach. Instead, go to the grocery store and buy a couple toothbrushes. This is also a good time to pick up tequila, which just as important to sweater making as anything else. Once you get home, fill a medium sized coffee mug with tequila and drink it. Refill the mug, but set it aside for later. Take your toothbrushes and rip out all the bristles. File down the heads of your toothbrushes using a concrete floor or the edge of your steel bed frame. It may seem simpler just to sharpen the handle, but the rubbery grip makes it pretty worthless as a knitting needle.
You now have everything you need to knit a sweater. Some people will tell you that you also need a sweater pattern. Those people are idiots and you should promptly un-friend them on FaceBook and sign them up for dozens of “bill me later” magazine subscriptions. Now drink the mug of tequila, and possibly another, because knitting a sweater is really really boring.
You need to use your toothbrush needles to manipulate your yarn into a fetching sweater like shape. This is accomplished by using running stitches, casting off, and clicking your toothbrushes against each other furiously. You also have to do a lot of purling, which is much like curling, but without the hot womens team from Russia. You should now have a beautiful homemade sweater. If you made any mistakes and left gaps in the armpit or nipple areas, you can easily patch them up with duct tape. If there’s any tequila left in the bottle, you also have a reward.
Enjoy your sweater!